r&r diary – A Beautiful Mosaic, Life – 7.30.12

I woke up Friday morning and hit the alarm. It rings at 6 am on the days of my “straight” job. Me: “We can sleep in tomorrow.” Jammer: “Today’s not tomorrow.” Jammer makes his pot of coffee. I make the bed. I move the sheets around in the darkened room, my head starts playing the song “Jesse” a Carly Simon hit from the album “Come Upstairs.”

“Jessie, I won’t cut fresh flowers for you,
no Jesse, and I won’t make the wine cold for you,
no Jesse, I won’t change the sheets for you,
I won’t put on cologne, I won’t sit by the phone for you”

The song was a hit on the  WLS charts in 1980. I was working as a Nurse’s Aide on the cardiac floor of Elmhurst Hospital. 2 North. Images of that time come rushing in. It could have just been a moment of nostalgia, I have no other explanation, but as I go through the morning motions, the flood-gates open, and for some reason, I am overwhelmed with sadness. I walk to the kitchen. Put the kettle on. Jammer sees me crying. He comes to my side. He hugs me. He says, “I want to cry too.” Now Jammer always says he hates nostalgia, I’m not sure why, I guess because we can not go back. I have been open to all kinds of music, I love the way rhythms and sounds can unite us, and help us remember the stories of our life’s experiences. Sadness is an old friend of mine, when I cry, I know I am connected to my feelings. When I remember a dream, I know that I have been sleeping. When I laugh, I know that I am happy. Our senses are little pieces of “the whole.” Our senses help us make this beautiful mosaic we call life. – Carla

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